Saturday, November 8, 2014

Change

I do not pride myself in being eloquent or expressing emotion very well, but this is what I am feeling today:

The past couple months I have been thinking about change. I am not one who embraces change and sometimes I even dread it. I love schedules. I love waking up and doing the same thing. I love knowing exactly what is going to happen and where I am going to be in six months. I love being in control and change doesn't allow that. 

There will be a lot of changes in the next couple years and I am trying my best to prepare for them now and to get ready to have a positive attitude going through them. There is one thing I have learned through my mere 24 years of life and that is that change is ALWAYS good. I'm trying to drive that into my head...Change always makes me better. Change allows me to meet new people. Change allows me to grow and stretch myself further than I thought I could.

I remember the hardest change I've ever experienced was when my family moved to California during my Freshman year of high school. I literally thought my life was going to end (or wished it would). But guess what? That was by far the BEST change that could have ever happened to me. Not only did I move to one of the most beautiful places in the world (I'm biased) but I met the most important people, including Brad.

Another change that was scary for me was becoming a mother. How in the world was I supposed to take care of a little child?? I remember crying into my pillow a couple nights before Caleb was born being so afraid of what was going to happen. Would I be happy? Would Brad and mine's relationship stay the same? Would I ever be able to sleep? Would I even love him? That night I prayed so hard that I would be able to embrace the change and that I would trust Heavenly Father and his plan for me. I learned that night and in the coming weeks that change is the right thing. We are supposed to learn and grow during this life. That's part of His plan. Now I can't even imagine my life without little Caleb. Sometimes you think you are the happiest you can ever be, then Heavenly Father says "listen to me, take the next step and you will be happy, I promise". I hesitantly decide to heed his council and end up being happier than I ever was before. This cycle has continued for the past 24 years of my life and I imagine it will do so the rest of my life. 

So it's when I start to feel anxious or hesitant about the changes that are inevitably coming I have to remember to have peace and that there is someone who cares about my happiness more than anyone. He will make sure that it will all work out. 
 



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